In the shadow, in me

My relationship with my parents is complicated. Everyday, I am nurtured yet hurt by them. Their craving for a better version of me is nothing but a great burden for me.

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Psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan once discussed about the idea of three orders that make up part of every psychic function: The Imaginary, The Symbolic and The real. When looking at the lamp on my desk, which glows only when the wire is connected to the power, I symbolized myself as the lamp, thriving with restrains. Indeed, the relationship between lamp and its wire is utterly similar to the relationship of me and my parents. The lamp is powered by the wire, yet its fate is also decided by the wire. The wire, like my parents, is capable of powering the lamp, but also capable of restraining it. Yet I am just a epitome of many more sons and daughters in China. In a country where XiaoDao, or filial piety is hailed as one of the most important characteristics of a person, parents’ words always goes before one’s free will.